I wish this was like good reads so that I could highlight a sentence and just type WOOF in all caps. So here: "not because we knew what we were talking about, but because it felt irresistible to pretend." OOOOOOOOOOoooooooo (runs around the room in hype) *SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAPSSSS*
Reading it feels like pressing my hand into the sand right near the ocean waves, & seeing for a moment water appear, then recede. And realizing the water was there before I pushed, & that it's there even after it leaves my sight. This essay will continue to sit with me, probably until you write your next California essay ;)
I was struck by the idea the Bay Area making one feel like nothing, & that being the exact idea that freed one to pursue wild ambitions and technologies whose vision lived disconnected from nearly everything. The aura of using technology to solve death or poverty, but also feeling small or invisible within the dry landscape & the cement of over-priced cities. The sense of immense wealth or opportunity for it. The the dull reality of that most wealth came by pushing bits into algorithms that pushed ads into flat screens for someone we knew nothing of.
I think there was a tremendously good side of California too: the pools of intellectual curiosity one could splash in almost anywhere; the sense that something amazing could come from anyone (assuming it involved software ;); the space to imagine something radical & perceive it largely as normal (as you point out).
When I go back lately, I feel reminiscent in many ways, but I also feel an anxiety to leave, like it's a dream I can't pretend is real anymore. I don't think I could fully articulate that until you did.
David, thank you. It means a lot to hear that this resonated with someone else who lived there.
And I agree, there was indeed an immensely good side of California. I think particularly, as you say, the ability to see the radical as normal, even banal. It was so curative for me, to be able to be myself and have that be normal, when in other spaces I knew so keenly I would have to become the focus of the room, simply because of my difference.
I love this: "like a dream I can't pretend is real anymore." <3
I think it'll be possible to have a relationship with the Bay Area again, for sure. But as I said, it'll have to be a very different one, an adult one. I wonder if I'll get to do that sometime :-)
Thanks for reading old friend, you are so persistent and supportive always with my work <3 It means the world and it always has.
Hrm. I can relate with your sentiments but.... this is not California you describe. This is the Bay Area. And the Bay Area is not the entirety of California, as Bay Areans have discovered over the last two couple years. Go to the other side of the Sierra Nevadas - the people there will have no idea what you are talking about. Heck, just go two hours down I-80 to Sacramento and the people there talk nothing like or about the things you mention in your post. All they talk about is the weekly sale at the local grocery store.
So I'm sad "California" has left you feeling sad. Cause I can totally relate.
Ok you’ve got a new fan. Keep ‘em coming.
David I'm honoured! x) Thank you!
I wish this was like good reads so that I could highlight a sentence and just type WOOF in all caps. So here: "not because we knew what we were talking about, but because it felt irresistible to pretend." OOOOOOOOOOoooooooo (runs around the room in hype) *SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAPSSSS*
HAHAHA!
Skilled & rich essay, Michelle <3
Reading it feels like pressing my hand into the sand right near the ocean waves, & seeing for a moment water appear, then recede. And realizing the water was there before I pushed, & that it's there even after it leaves my sight. This essay will continue to sit with me, probably until you write your next California essay ;)
I was struck by the idea the Bay Area making one feel like nothing, & that being the exact idea that freed one to pursue wild ambitions and technologies whose vision lived disconnected from nearly everything. The aura of using technology to solve death or poverty, but also feeling small or invisible within the dry landscape & the cement of over-priced cities. The sense of immense wealth or opportunity for it. The the dull reality of that most wealth came by pushing bits into algorithms that pushed ads into flat screens for someone we knew nothing of.
I think there was a tremendously good side of California too: the pools of intellectual curiosity one could splash in almost anywhere; the sense that something amazing could come from anyone (assuming it involved software ;); the space to imagine something radical & perceive it largely as normal (as you point out).
When I go back lately, I feel reminiscent in many ways, but I also feel an anxiety to leave, like it's a dream I can't pretend is real anymore. I don't think I could fully articulate that until you did.
David, thank you. It means a lot to hear that this resonated with someone else who lived there.
And I agree, there was indeed an immensely good side of California. I think particularly, as you say, the ability to see the radical as normal, even banal. It was so curative for me, to be able to be myself and have that be normal, when in other spaces I knew so keenly I would have to become the focus of the room, simply because of my difference.
I love this: "like a dream I can't pretend is real anymore." <3
I think it'll be possible to have a relationship with the Bay Area again, for sure. But as I said, it'll have to be a very different one, an adult one. I wonder if I'll get to do that sometime :-)
Thanks for reading old friend, you are so persistent and supportive always with my work <3 It means the world and it always has.
I suspect a big part of our new relationships to the Bay will be a grounding in a creative work and process deeper than that place... :)
:) :) :)
Seems random but ok ;)
Hrm. I can relate with your sentiments but.... this is not California you describe. This is the Bay Area. And the Bay Area is not the entirety of California, as Bay Areans have discovered over the last two couple years. Go to the other side of the Sierra Nevadas - the people there will have no idea what you are talking about. Heck, just go two hours down I-80 to Sacramento and the people there talk nothing like or about the things you mention in your post. All they talk about is the weekly sale at the local grocery store.
So I'm sad "California" has left you feeling sad. Cause I can totally relate.
Signed,
Austin,
From the Dominican Republic,
Looking to get back to the Bay.
But also, Nina Rosario needed this essay https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZVoulUQSKk
She really did! :)